As I stood there unmoved by his confession, I could see the future, where he may never come. Do I need it?
When he started walking away with his shoulders stooped low, I knew, the cool guy I fell in love with was hiding somewhere deep within him. I couldn’t call him. My voice seemed to go on a break. My mind didn’t send any signals for the movement of my limbs either. I was there, standing by the street next to my house and watching him as he walked away.
When he was finally out of sight tears streamed down my cheeks. “I can’t be with a girl who will be in a different continent for next 5 years. I think we should break up” he had said. The words still young in my ears. He was right, how good can a long-distance relationship be? He was right, I shouldn’t have loved him!
“I have always been the bad guy isn’t it? With loads of past girlfriends, and umemployed who is living off with his father’s money. I love my life. And now I am tired of you in it” he said before walking away. Should I question the love we shared? Or should I wonder whether it was all a lie?
When I looked down at my toes, there was a sudden burst of emotions in my heart. I was lucky. My feet loves music, my heart beats rhythm and my body moves to every beat. I was lucky. My crew was finally selected for the dance fest in a faraway country. I have asked myself a hundred times and even more. Whats best? A love of 3 years or the dream of 10 years. I still don’t know the answer.
When I started walking back to my house I imagined myself in the future. A future where my dance crew won the fest! It was a pride moment to all of us. We are finally the stars. But wait! I don’t have anyone to share my happiness with. I don’t have my love who gives me the most comforting hugs and cheers. I don’t have my best friend who guides me. I don’t have my mentor who helped me focus on my dance. It was at that moment I realized, how much of my life was him.
Now I know the answer. I know why he broke up with me! That was the only way to send me away. He can’t come with me and I may never go leaving him. How cheesy I wondered as I cried, all alone in my house. Today and the days to follow he won’t be there to lend his shoulder so that I can cry my heart out.
Why does it hurt so much?
I lived a happy life before him. I lived a happy life with him. Would it be difficult to live a happy life without him?
My mind screamed with answers- “YES” “NO”
My dream is the part of me. this chance is the blessing for my whole crew. Can I be selfish and lose the chance that every struggling dancer in the world might be dying to win?
My love is my life. The days I have spent with him, is the days that are beautiful. Can I be selfish and lose him so that I can fulfil the dreams of my crew and me?
It was an endless battle.
There was no answer to what is right and what is wrong. The answer lies within everyone. It’s called “choice”. A choice one has to make with a prize to pay. Like they say, you can’t gain anything without losing something.
Should I leave with a hope that he would wait for me?
Should I stay with a hope I can find an opportunity that could benefit both of us and my crew?
The choice I need to make isn’t the one that could bring me happiness, nor it’s the one that could bring light to those who trusted me. The choice I need to make is a promise. A promise to myself, to never regret what I chose or what I didn’t chose.
With a smile on my face I found myself walking in the same street where he disappeared from my sight. I have made my promise.